Being a college student presents many challenges socially and academically. Fitting in and finding one’s niche can be difficult, especially when religious limitations are in play. They can’t go out on Friday nights. They can’t meet up for group projects on Saturdays. Some of them can’t eat out. But what is it really like to be an observant Jew in a college setting?
Observance comes in many forms, but one thing that is consistent among observant Jews is that they are Shomer Shabbat. Shomer literally means “to guard” and Shabbat is the Sabbath, which refers to the seventh day of the week and the day of rest in Judaism. This stems from the book of Genesis which states God created Heaven and Earth in six days and rested on the seventh. People who are Shomer Shabbat follow the teachings of the Ten Commandments in Deuteronomy which include activities that are prohibited on Shabbat.
One of the most notable laws regarding Shabbat is that it is the day that Jews are freed from the regular labors of everyday life so that they are able to spend time with family and reflect upon the spirituality of life and Judaism. Activities prohibited on Shabbat include driving, using electricity including lights, or using electronic devices.
Weekends, notably Fridays and Saturday nights are common nights for college students to go out and party or stay in and watch movies. Since students are busy during the week with their classes and studies, Saturday becomes a day to run errands such as grocery shopping. It’s a day that students spend in the library to get work done that is due at the beginning of the week or get ahead for the following week- but not for an observant Jew.
Junior Jewish Studies major Jessica Applebaum said that one of the major challenges of being an observant Jew at college is that there are times when holidays and observances conflict with classes as well as her workload. She finds that it is difficult to juggle time in which she can’t work or go to classes because she can’t be in synagogue. Jessica doesn’t feel that she is missing out, but said, “There are clubs that I would have liked to join but they have meetings during Shabbat so it didn’t work out.”
She loves keeping Shabbat because, as she says, “A mandatory day of rest, what could be better?” She values the time that she knows will be allotted to relaxation and spending times with friends or family. While sometimes she finds it stressful to not be able to do work if she has a test or paper coming up, she does like having time designated for herself. “I often spend nine hours at a time doing work on campus, so it’s nice to get a break.”
Jessica lives with two non-Jews and one Jewish girl who is not observant, so some things are harder than others. She has set guidelines for herself; mostly in the kitchen she shares with her other apartment-mates.
“Because I keep kosher, I will not use the dishwasher or the oven. I will, however, use the stove with my own pots and pans.”
Jessica said that she always needs to make sure that her things stay separate. She will use microwave, but covers her food when it’s in it, and she keeps all of her kosher food dishes and silverware separate from everyone else's.
Jessica hasn’t had a problem with the lights, as she keep her bathroom light on throughout Shabbat and doesn’t mind if the lights or off in the common areas. Only once has she had to ask one of her non-Jewish roommates to turn on the lights for her, because it is forbidden for another Jew, even one who does not observe the Sabbath themselves, to turn on lights for somebody Shomer Shabbat. Jessica feels that being an observant Jew has helped her make a very close group of friends with similar values, and she feels that any religious center on campus, be that Hillel or Chabad, will give someone the same experience.
Allison Greenberg, a senior Child Studies major who more recently became observant, finds that becoming Shomer Shabbat has created more of a challenge for her in certain ways, but she does not regret her decision. She says she wouldn’t do it unless she wanted to. Still, she is sometimes disappointed when she can’t go to concerts or shows on Friday nights and feels like she is missing out. But she is also thankful for the spiritual experiences that she has herself.
The most stressful thing for Allison is not being able to do homework for 25 hours. “However, what always helps me is to remember that I can work during the day on Friday and I can on Saturday night also so I am not missing too much time for work.”
In terms of not using her phone or computer, she loves it. “I love being disconnected from the world. It gives me a free feeling not having to think about my phone.” She finds it amazing that she is able to have so much more conversation when there are no other electronic distractions.
“When I go to Hayes, which is a place where observant Jews hang out on Friday nights, I notice that I can’t check my phone and I’m not constantly look for it. It is a wonderful feeling.” Allison’s family is not Shomer Shabbat, so she checks her phone on Friday nights before bed and once or twice during the day on Saturday to see if she missed any calls from her family.
“I know that if I missed more than 2 calls from my family that is an emergency and I call back, but I never read my e-mails or texts. It makes me feel secure knowing that if something happened I could be there for them.”
Allison has found that it is easier to be friends with Jews because it is more convenient, since they practice the same things that she does. However, she loves and appreciates her non-Jewish friends.
“I love being friends with non-Jews because they are sometimes more respectful than other Jews. My freshmen year I lived with a girl who was not Jewish and she was so respectful. She asked questions when she did not understand something and she was genuinely interested in finding out why I did certain things.”
Jamie Goldman, senior Biology major finds that the biggest challenge in being an observant Jew is being different. She is thankful that it allows her have her own identity in an environment when people really do look to do what everyone else looks to do, but sometimes she feels isolated and different.
“I am proud of myself and the way I live my life but it gets a little hard having to explain myself sometimes. But the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I know who I am and what matters to me and I feel good about that.”
She doesn’t feel that she is missing out too much on Friday nights because of her observance.
“Maybe a concert or two, but in the bigger picture, they aren’t things that I am going to miss even a week later.”
Jamie practices daily rituals that separate her from others but says she “wouldn’t give them up for anything.” She prays every morning as soon as she wakes up and says blessing throughout the day before she goes to the bathroom or eats anything. In addition, she washes her hands in the morning to remove any impurities from when she was sleeping and thanks God every day when she opens her eyes for giving her another day.
“I incorporate God and religion in every part of my day and everything I do.”
Jamie chose a unique practice in Judiasm two years ago called Shomer Negiah, which literally means “observant of touch.” The term refers to someone who refrains from physical contact with members of the opposite sex, excluding one’s immediate family.
For Jamie, though, becoming Shomer Negiah was the best decision she has ever made. She explained that in high school she was very different and much more lenient when it came to guys. She doesn’t feel that she would have been as happy with herself she hadn’t created this extra fence for herself.
“People are really understanding about it, a little confused at first, but more interested in it than anything. I have no problem shaking a hand or hugging someone the first time I meet them… I will not initiate it but I will not embarrass the person or make them feel uncomfortable.”
If there is someone she continuously comes into contact with, she will eventually let them know if it reaches a point where she begins to feel uncomfortable.
“I think people respect me more for it and don’t pressure me to change, if anything, when I get down about it or question it, my friends (guys and girls) are amazing support systems.”
Jamie feels that she has been lucky in terms of getting teachers that are understanding of her observance. Even when she has had to miss class for a holiday or hand in paper later due because of Shabbat, no faculty has ever given her any trouble.
Alex Friedman, an undecided sophomore and Jordan Weissman, a sophomore business major, have also chosen to become Shomer Negiah. Jordan said that sometimes it is awkward when a woman goes to shake his hand and he has to pull back and explain that he doesn’t do that. He will only shake a women’s hand if it is for an interview.
Alex, like Jamie, said that he would rather not embarrass a woman so he shakes a woman’s hand in any instance. But he draws the line at hugs. Alex admitted that some of his female friends get annoyed with him at times that he won’t hug them, but he said, “Hey, what can I do? This is what I’ve chosen.”
Jordan and Alex are both in an a cappella group and said that one thing they had to deal with was choreography.
“In one of our songs,” Jordan said, “the group puts their arms around each other. Alex and I had to remind the group that we do not touch women, so we had to have men on either side of us.”
Alex said that the most annoying thing about being observant is not being able to go to non-Kosher restaurants.
“Whenever my less observant friends go out to dinner, I go so that I don’t miss out on the social activity, but I can’t eat. And when there’s food all around you, you want to eat! But I grew up Kosher. My family never ate out. So I just suck it up and try to eat beforehand.”
Jordan has had professors who get frustrated with him when he asks to hand in papers early, but it hasn’t ever affected any of his final grades. He’s also found that when meeting for group projects, students often want to meet on Saturdays.
“I feel bad inconveniencing people, he said, “but observance is the most important thing in my life and it comes before schoolwork.”
